Things just get in the way

Funny how fast time goes by. One moment, I’m writing random blog entries on Tales of Epoch and then the next, it all goes quiet. In fact, quiet for about 4 years! It’s not because I have been neglecting this blog, it is just things got in the way.

Since my last blog I’ve said goodbye to my old Samsung NC10 netbook. Yes, a netbook. I loved that machine because it enabled me to be so productive. I was able to write this blog, write Ode to the Brute and it had decent battery life. It only started to perish when I upgraded the operating system to Windows 7. Then it all went down hill so ditched the netbook. Now I rock a Mac and I’m really happy with that. There’s less writing on it now though, which is a shame.

I even left my old email address. This was more due to the fact that I got spammed big time on Hotmail. There are only so many emails about Viagra pills that a man can take, so I ditched Hotmail and joined Gmail.

Since my last post I have been fortunate and lucky enough to see more of the beautiful world out there. I genuinely love this planet and I feel really lucky every time I get to visit a new place, see something of nature I had previous only ever seen and television or read about on Wikipedia.

The main thing that got in the way of writing this blog was studying a masters, I’ve now finished and it has been a great experience. I was encouraged to do it and I did need a nudge but I am so glad I did it. Without question, it has helped me in all aspects of my life and I can’t really say that about all things I do.

So that’s pretty much it. Not sure when my next entry will come or what I will get up to. But if you ever need some mens alpaca jumpers or alpaca hats, then check out www.pacastyle.com

Adios

Rap Idol

When White Men Can’t Jump was bringing the cash money in for Woody Harrelson, sourcing Above the Rim on pirate made you the big man and campus, and this was just a twinkle in So Solid’s eye, there was East V West Coast rap.

Of course I didn’t really have a clue about what this actually meant. In fact, I’m pretty sure at the time I thought California was a city and the distance between east and west coast was only 200 miles. Yet, older, hip and dangerous kids were all listening to Puff Daddy, Notorious BIG, Bone Thugs n Harmony and Tupac. So naturally I was curious and decided to check it out. I didn’t really get into Puffy, whilst I loved Hypnotize by BIG and Crossroads by Bones, it was just those songs.

It was Tupac though which had an effect on me. Of course I didn’t empathise with the themes of his songs, but that didn’t matter. I couldn’t get over just how articulate Mr Shakur was. He had a superb talent to deliver poignant statements that triggered a debate in my mind about the state of society. Actually, he made me think about what society was. He brutally brought across to me, teenage pregnancy, drug dealing, lack of employment and of course, race. He was very vocal about this, sometimes the swearing blurred his message but certainly his sentences carried a punch. I ain’t mad at cha, Do for love, Brenda’s got a baby. They are all great songs, but these lyrics pulsate with his passion to discuss subjects which we all know are prevalent but kind of think ‘well it ain’t happening to me, so it’s ok.’

And so I became Pac fan. I began increasing my reading because he was an avid reader. I considered this the source of his power. I began reading periodicals every day, even if I was tired and had to reach for the dictionary for every other word. I didn’t care though, I knew it would help me in the long run. I started off with The Times for about two months and realised it was too right wing for me and so turned to The Guardian. After a while I wanted a completely different opinion so went to The Independent. I began asking my teachers about books that they hadn’t heard of, and thought I was taking the pee out of them. I didn’t care though. I wanted to aspire to that level of articulation and passion that Tupac seemed to deliver in his songs. Ok, so after about a year I came to realise that he had other talents such as rapping, which I’ll never posses, but it did not matter. I was hooked on knowledge, and every time I listened to one of his tracks he reminded me that I should be reading, learning and debating where possible.

Tupac was angry though. You could tell he was frustrated why things didn’t change in the urban status quo. He was vicious with his words and sometimes I think some of the passion in his rapping was generated by hate. This was something I didn’t really like. As much as I idolised him and decided I wanted to develop and learn to be like him, I also like the whimsical things in life, like The Fresh Prince of Bell Air. And so after a while I started listening to him less and less as he became more focussed on launching pernicious attacks best typified by Hit em Up.

I forgot about him.

Whilst watching Battle: Los Angeles last month the opening sequence contained California Love, which evoked some great memories. It also reminded me of Tupac. Out of interest I decided to run a search for him on iTunes and started listening to all the thirty second samples that iTunes offered on each of his songs. I remembered why I loved his music so much, how he made me think, how much he was filled with energy and also hate. One thing reverberated in my mind though, just like the lil’ Paddington way back then, is that you need to present your thoughts to people. Debate with them and make them notice you. That’s what he did. His rap in the mid-nineties introduced me to this and started me thinking in ways which some of my teachers never did, I ran with it (I could have run harder and further, for sure) by reading my pants off, talking to different types of people and trying to learn as much as possible. Listening to him again, the messages are still the same today as they were back then in the mid-nineties. 

iPhone Woes

So, I’ve been looking to get an iPhone 4 since it’s been out but it has been almost impossible for me to get one from Apple. Aside from venturing into their shop and annoying them every other day with ‘Have you got the 16gb iPhone 4 in stock?’ To which their eyes tell me, ‘c’mon you know they sell out as soon as they come in’, but they politely tell me, ‘that they’d just run out of stock but I should keep trying’.

So yesterday, I did. I gave them a call.

Me: ‘ Morning, by any chance do you have the 16gb iPhone 4 in stock?’

Nice lady: ‘You know, we just got a small batch in this morning.’

Silence

At this point I realise it’s a race against time knowing that Apple do not hold products back for customers and that I was now in a race with more determined iPhone shoppers who had rung up at the crack of dawn, or in fact installed a webcam in the shop to check when delivery had arrived. Then there were the nonchalant shoppers ambling past the Apple store, wondering on the off chance if they had the iPhone in stock.

Me: “Excellent, I’ll be down in about 10 minutes, do you reckon they’d be sold out by then?”

Nice lady: “Well, I don’t think so but if we get a sudden surge of peeps then it could happen”

Me: “Ok, thanks. I’m on my way.”

And so I did, I grabbed my car keys and zoomed off. I parked as close as I could and got out jogging to the shop with thoughts of finally being able to install an ‘app’ and actually using a touch screen for the first time.

As a came around the corner I spied someone walking out of the Apple store with what looked like two iPhone boxes inside the near translucent bag. I bit my lip thinking, surely, he didn’t just walk out with the last two phones?.

I caught the attention of the first employee I could see and quickly spewed out that I called and was told that there are some 16gb iPhones in stock.

Worker: “Sorry man, we just sold out of the 16gb.”

I thought back to the guy who walked out with what seemed to be two iPhone boxes.

Me: “Pants.”

I was about to tell him how quickly I got down here, and how long I’ve been waiting to get one, but unfortunately he couldn’t help me even if he wanted to, so I held back.

Worker: “We’ve got the 32gb in stock though.”

Me: “I can’t afford it, thanks anyway.”

And I turned around and walked out iPhoneless and with a blister on my left foot.

I drove onto work and on my lunch break I decided to order one directly from Apple online as I just couldn’t be bothered to go through all that again. Only problem, it’s estimated time of delivery is 15 September. A new model will be out by then!

In other news, a Paddington’s Shadow production, presented by Tales of Epoch gives you another episode of Alfalfa’s Premiership Show.

Crossroads

Every once in a while I’m confronted with a decision to choose something over another. Akin to me standing in a Tescos Express for two minutes debating whether I want a Snickers or a Mars, I stared at the computer screen thinking should I take this opportunity or stick with what I know.

I hate these types of decisions, because everything has ramifications and as a result even not doing anything means I would be doing something. So whilst sipping some green tea I began writing down what could possibly happen if I took up this opportunity. It seemed that not much would change other than my financial situation and my stress levels, which potentially could be tolerable or would send me into some morbid state where all my hair drops off and my eyes grow bags bigger than an Asda bag for life (which is surprisingly large).

I still did not know what to do, so I sought advice from a few people. Each piece of advice was good but it was conflicting, one would say I should take the opportunity, whilst another felt it was best to let this ship sail, while another thought of combining the two. All three were clearly succinct and persuasive which meant I was stuck, because I felt no nearer as to whether I should do something about it or not.

And then I remembered, maybe I should just ask myself, and see how I feel about the opportunity inside. My initial reaction was that it didn’t feel right. Was it just nerves, and that’s why it didn’t feel right? This was plausible but that wasn’t the reason, there was just this feeling that it wasn’t correct for me, and that’s what I decided, to go with my instincts and stop playing about in my head about the ‘what ifs’ or the ‘why nots’ because it was eating away at me.

And so after two weeks, I let the opportunity float by and almost immediately I felt better and lighter. In fact it has made me more motivated for some reason, I don’t know entirely why but I’m not going to try and stifle it because I have been finding a lot of energy of late, rather than just relying in coffee to keep my energy levels up.

Yet, something tells me if I had heard this earlier, everything would have fallen into place sooner. 

And here’s also another episode of Alfalfa’s Premiership Show.

 

Things I've Been Meaning To Do

Sitting here exhausted after a day’s work and after playing football at lunch time, I feel guilty about the things that have been filed in the back of my mind. Mainly because I can’t do them tonight, I wasn’t able to do them last night, or last week, or even last month, some even stretch back as far back as six months ago.

So now my mind is beginning to get cluttered with the things I want to do but haven’t quite got around to doing, because of work, rest or play. My mind works by thinking of something I want to do, assessing whether it is something that can be done easily or not. If easily, I tend to do it that week. If not, I attach a time scale on it, usually it’s the end of the month, or if it’s big then a couple of months. What tends to happen however, is when I come to do something, I have a momentarily struggle with my mood, if I’m not feeling it, I just cannot get my head round to doing it. This may not be a very strong argument because people can say that no one wants to go to work but yet we still do. 

However, when I like doing something at work, I tend to flourish, like come in early, consider all the aspects of it and then sprinkle some Paddington’s  Shadow love dust so that it at least shows effort was made.

To help get these things off my chest and perhaps embarrass me into doing them after I read this post again in a couple of days, I’ll list them below.

1)     Reading, On Writing by Stephen King

I have been meaning to read this ever since Coldbrain mentioned it to me over a few Tuborgs way back in February of this year. Yet, after buying it on Amazon it’s still sitting on my bookshelf, leaning against my dictionary. So what’s stopping me reading it? Well, even though I walk past it every night, I just need to feel in the right mood to read it, to fully appreciate what has been written. I could just stare at the pages but I wouldn’t fully enjoy them.

2)     Going to  London

I have been meaning to go to London for months now, it’s not too far away and easily accessible as I live about 10 minutes away from the station and if I get the Pendalino I’ll be standing outside UpperCrust in Euston in about 35 minutes. I’ve got people I can see, places to visit, I haven’t been down to the national gallery in ages now, or gone down some pubs around Camden and bars in Leicester Square. So what’s stopping me? Although I want to go, although it’s easy to get there, I can’t be bothered to arrange the day off, look at the train times, arrange a time to meet and make sure I’m back before the last train. Still, this is a shame because I know, one visit to the Big Smoke and I’ll come back full of ideas and beans.

3)     Finish watching the West Wing
I love the West Wing, it’s fast becoming my favourite ever television series, although Twin Peaks is still ahead. It’s so finely polished, well up to season 3 anyway, and the characters are really good, I come away from each episode having learned something. But what’s stopping me picking up the DVD and putting it in the player? Again, it’s down to mood, although I want to watch more episodes, at this moment I’m thinking I wouldn’t really appreciate it. I’d probably get bored and frustrated.

4)     Buy a new shaver

My Gillette Mac 4 has done well over the last couple of years, but due to wear and tear it’s time to replace it. However, I keep forgetting to, and every other morning when I pick up the shaver I think to myself, I need to replace this, and then carry on. When I’m shopping I never remember and so the cycle continues. Why don’t I get a new one? Pure laziness is the answer. I should make a note to take next time I go shopping; in fact I’m going to do it now.

Although these are some of the things I’ve been meaning  to do but haven’t, I have managed to do one thing and that’s to combine my love of football and general chatting of utter nonsense, so I present to you, particularly Premiership football fans, Alfalfa’s Premiership Show.

Final scribblings of 2008

I totally forgot I had these.

The end

The Comfort Zone

So Kenny Loggins may have sung about the Danger Zone in the 80’s but I’d like to discuss a less warbled zone, the comfort zone. For me, the comfort zone is where I flourish, where I strut around with the same sort of conviction as Danny Ocean has when strolling through the Bellagio. A lot of my confidence derives from the comfort zone, mostly because in it I know how things work. Therefore I can exude some level of confidence in knowing what I’m talking about.

So when the opportunity came up on a course I’m doing to either go, A: A face-to-face residential school for four days, or, B: An online alternative for 3 weeks, my comfort zone squealed out for me not to go to the face-to-face residential school. The trepidation crawled all around me and the fear seeped in as visions of being exposed as some buffoon and sent home in disgrace seemed all too realistic. The thought everyone getting along with each other accept me, who instead had to spend my lunch time staring at the wall contemplating whether I’d be able to get up and get some pudding without tripping over. Or the feeling that the tutor would just ask me questions and not be satisfied with my answer until I became a nervous wreck. It was easily outside my comfort zone.

Instead I wanted to do the 3 week online alternative, where I could see everyone’s posts, reflect on what was written and then spend about fifteen minutes writing my response. It may take absolutely ages and actually be quite boring but it would be in my comfort zone, and therefore I’d feel safe, away from making a fool of myself, or being targeted to answer really difficult questions. And so I went to sleep that evening feeling all relaxed and comfortable that the online version (although convoluted and not as rewarding) would be more comfortable.

Something didn’t feel right though. Comfort zone or not, I’d be missing out on a great opportunity to meet fellow students. I held firm however, and refused myself to explore the idea of actually going there in person. It still itched though, and people noticed. One in particular wanted to get into Paddington’s Shadow’s head. The change came when that person said to me, ‘You should go, because it’ll be good to take you out of your comfort zone, and that is always interesting’.  I felt exposed, was it that obvious that I had been coasting and not really testing myself of late?

And so in the end I opted for the face-to-face and never looked back from the moment I pulled up outside Whittlebury Hall. Apart from a fantastically run residential school, all you can eat buffet, it was the people that made it. It was a fantastic mix of randoms, who all felt that same fear of trepidation. It was great to share fears and realisations that we are all actually feeling the same thing.

I never would have got this had I stayed in my comfort zone. Sure I’d still be feeling safe and prancing about like I owned the place. But there is not much to prance about if the comfort zone is nothing more than box 5cm in height and width. I would completely have missed out and that’s something I’m so glad I didn’t do, because it’s probably given me the momentum required to finish the course now. Perhaps more importantly it’s made me realise that I should come out of this comfort zone a lot more, even if the experiences are not as great, at least I’d have experienced them.