River Phoenix

It’s uncomfortable to hear Heath Ledger died. Although I cannot really feel any loss because I wasn’t really aware of his work or the person he was, I’ve seen A Knights Tale and 10 Things I Hate About You. And that’s about it. His death though reminded me of when River Phoenix died, I was but a whimsical teenager then but he was someone I idolised, probably just as Heath is by some people today.

I generally thought he was cool when I saw him in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade. He was someone I wanted to be. Upon investigating what comprised me to compact what I meant as ‘cool’ I realised that he possessed a lot of charisma and also seemed to star in some great films like, Stand By Me, The Mosquito Coast and I love You to Death. I used to read Smash Hits avidly to find out what project he was working on next or what he got up to in the Viper Room that week. I concluded that I wanted to live a life like his, unconfined as his profession allowed him to be and also naturalistic in that he was aware of the Earth and its issues. And if possible harvest or discover some amazing talent about myself like his.

I was deeply saddened when I heard he died. A lot of people mourn for Kurt Cobain but to me it was a greater loss to lose the person I wanted to become. I could no longer see how this person would develop and therefore had nothing to aspire too other than remember how charismatic and talented he was. I’ve now passed the age he lived too and I have virtually become nothing of what the teenage boy saw in River Phoenix. I work in business, sitting in front of a computer all day and make a half-hearted attempt to recycle (although I now only buy Fair Trade products whenever possible). I think if he was still alive today he would be on equal status as Jonny Depp in achievement of performances and variation of films featured in. Maybe even more so.

It’s strange when I see his brother Joaquin Phoenix in films too. I remember hearing his voice on the telephone to the 911 operator telling her that he thinks his brother isn’t breathing when he collapsed outside the Viper Room and now I see him in Gladiator and Signs and get a surreal sensation coming over me. It feels intrusive that I’ve heard him in his most scared and desperate moment.

Anyway, enough of my fucked up blabbings. I just felt I should get it out there.

I salute you River.


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“Ok, so that’s it?” Charles asks.

“Yeah, unless you two got any more questions? We meet in two weeks.” And with that Gregor turns his back to them both and turns on the television indicating that this meeting is over.

Charles gets up nods at Davy then walks back to his car thinking where to start his mission. He drives to the garage to take a look at the future victims.

He finds a spot to park his car on Chester Street and gets out. It’s a ten minute walk to the garage and turning up on foot will enable him to manoeuvre with the situation rather than have a car parked in one of the petrol bays attracting attention when someone waiting behind starts beeping the horn. It’s still dark and there’s a slight chill in the air so he zips up his coat and turns up his collar. The moon is only half covered tonight by clouds illuminating the half of the street Charles is walking on. He doesn’t like the light so crosses the road onto the less visible area. He can’t understand why he agreed to do this job. He hates stealing now, he hates, Gregor and what he’s doing right now is helping Gregor achieve his plan. “It’s for the money” he tells himself but the reality gradually seeps through the holes of reason and he knows it’s not because of the money it’s because he doesn’t know what else to do. It’s all he knows he can do, well. The thought of trying something new scares him but he tries to think deeply for something else he can do. Nothing comes up. Only Gregor’s face offering another opportunity to get some quick cash.

He can’t just do anything, Marla wouldn’t allow it. He needs to maintain a healthy income to keep her happy. But there’s no other way, the idea of training himself up to be a plumber appeals to him. Something that is vital to preserving a good standard of living. He could study at college full time and try to gain an apprenticeship, it’ll take years but then he’d be qualified and able to be an effective person in society rather than the one of its demons. The idea gets sucked away as the image of him telling Gregor that he couldn’t work on all the jobs anymore. It wouldn’t be accepted, he would have to continue doing the jobs for Gregor and Gregor would definitely find a way to terminate his plans. The man isn’t stupid he knows that Charles helps him get things done.