Visit to Kerouac's Scroll

In a Hartbeat

The news that Tony Hart had died didn’t quite register with me straight away. I was in my room when I heard something on the radio that Tony Hart had passed. At first, I thought I recognised the name but nothing more so I didn’t really register the brief 30 second encapsulation of his life achievements. So I carried on reading my book in peace not bothering to pay the news segment anymore attention. It was only when I turned on to News24 later in the evening and saw Morph that I thought something unusual was happening. Surely I hadn’t discovered a channel dedicated to the 80s. Then, the penny dropped and I realised that it was his creator who had died.

I absolutely adored Hartbeat when I was a young ‘un. I thought Tony Hart’s creations were immense. Whether they were a small painting using watercolours to larger projects where the viewer only sees certain segments in detail and only at the end does the camera zoom out to reveal some breathtaking landscape made from twigs, acorns and paints. It fuelled my curiosity in all things artistic. Teachers at school used to hate me when it came to art because I’d be hell bent on discovering a ‘new’ colour by mixing various paints together and then wasting all the brilliant blues, greens and reds only to produce some putrid quagmire that looked worse than it sounded. Still it was the eagerness of pushing those ‘artistic boundaries’ that I thought every Year 5 needed to make.

And then there was Morph. I was captivated by this little splodge of plastacine that used to cause no end of commotion. Never talking, just moving causing havoc with a few buttons and pens then cruising back to the comfort of home which was a pencil case. What I particular enjoyed was the link between Tony and Morph, how every now and then the camera would cut to Tony who would either tell Morph off or ask him a question. Then it would zoom in on the little plasticine man who would mumble something back that only Tony could understand. I loved it, making it seem almost plausible that Morph did actually exist.

This obviously led an impressionable young boy to try and create his own one. I was unable to convince my mother to buy me Play Doh or even the more authentic plasticine that seemed only to be sold in WHSmiths. So annoyed and digging around I finally found a packet of Blu-Tac and wasted the whole packet making my own FrankenMorph. I used a butter knife to give his head a dome look, screwed up two small pieces of paper into balls for eyes and used a pencil to engrave a smile. The result was a Morph suffering from pneumonia who had perhaps consumed one lead pencil too many . It was a disaster.

Hartbeat really influenced my life when I was a young so I thank you Tony Hart for all the enjoyment and encouragement you and your programme gave me.

Intelligentsia

Perhaps it isn’t the best time to write this as I’m suffering from a hangover. Still, it’s been on my mind the last week and has been lingering around in my head for quite sometime now.

What I find difficult to understand is how to quantify level of intelligence. I know it sounds stupid that I think of things like this but I do. At school we take exams to test our knowledge of a particular subject. Some actually concentrate more on playing the exam system which is probably a pretty clever thing to do in itself. Journalists and a lot of media outlets deem footballers thick and stupid especially Cristiano Ronaldo (at the moment). However, he speaks two languages, Portuguese and English. He even demonstrates his new learned language in television interviews broadcasted all over the country and on the internet. That’s something I’m sure not many people would do. And this is without mentioning his actual profession, surely he must have a high level of intelligence to understand the runs, plays and reactions required in anticipation of receiving the ball. However, I expect that he is no scholar of academia.

Academics themselves are pupils of their chosen expertise and generally accepted by all as intelligent human beings. They must be having past many exams in their life time and written papers that are printed in journals. But is it possible that sometimes they become so engrossed in their work that they forget about ‘basic’ intelligence to get through the day? I mean in the sense of perhaps conveying opinions on ‘mundane’ matters of what’s in the paper or just general conversation because they are too focussed on intricate algorithms or the latest experimental break through.

And what about those people that do not have high paid jobs? I spoke to a dustman on Wednesday and he began to tell me of his travels to Sri Lanka, his old job working as a clerk in India and learned how to cook a traditional Indian curry. And now he was currently studying A-Level biology at evening classes. And there it kind of dawned on me that although some people may not be deemed clever a lot must be said for those that strive to be. Ones that wish to better themselves to learn new things and gain experiences from places they didn’t expect. Even though he may obtain a recognised qualification in biology I still think he must be clever if he can cook a traditional curry.


I guess we are own judges of who is intelligent and what level they are at. Society does give us indicators by the type of job one has or how much they get paid. For me, and this will be different for others, it is wit. When I meet someone witty, genuine bona-fide unique wit I completely become in awe of them and listen to them intently. To think that quickly and deliver what they wish to say the way they do is nothing short of genius, in my humble opinion. True, it is unlikely a medical cure will come out of a great comic or orator. And yes, perhaps the bridges I walk on wouldn’t be as sturdy if they made them. Still, they do contribute to the enjoyment of life.

Come back to Radio 2 Russell Brand. I miss your chaotic wit and four syllable words.

In other news, it’s still freezing! Here are some photos of a frozen river and frost on my scarf from a short 5 minute walk to the shop.

Entry Number 100 and An Eyeful Tale

It is 7:23am and I’m standing in the bathroom trying to get my contact lenses in before heading out to work. The lens for the right slips in with aplomb but when it comes to the left one it does not sit well. I begin to blink which is an indication that my eye is screaming ‘get this out of here before I turn red’. I oblige and pull out the lens but before managing to bring it to the safety of my open palm it slips from my finger and begins to descend all the way down into the open toilet. Game over. Looking into the toilet I can see this lucid shape floating merrily along in loo water. I turn to my spare lenses but there are none that was my last set until my new batch arrive the end of this month. There was no point having the right one in either because it was like the Olsen twins, it doesn’t feel right when you see only one.

This occurrence shaped my whole day and not for the better. Only being able to see about two metres in front of me meant that I basically blanked everyone at work because I just didn’t recognise them causing the below to happen.

Email 10:02am

Them: What’s up?

Me: Nothing much just shattered. You good?

Them: Seriously, what’s wrong? Have I upset you?

Me: What are you on about?

Them: You blanked me when I walked past you this morning by the library.
Wanted to know what I’ve done wrong.

Me: Lol, don’t worry about it. I haven’t got any contacts in so I can’t see anything
today. Sorry if it looked like I blanked you.

Them: So you are sure nothing is wrong?

Me: Yeah.

Them: You aren’t feeding me crap because you blanked me?

Me: No. Relax, I didn’t intentionally blank you. I have not got my contacts in so
I can’t really see anyone within a two metre radius.

Them: But I was within 2 metres.

Me: Gosh, it’s an estimate. I’ve got a meeting. Speak to you later…

I didn’t have a meeting but I wanted to get out of that email conversation as soon as possible as I was beginning to get irate. It did however highlight just how important it was that I got a new pair of contacts as soon as possible. Unfortunately this was not as easy as I thought.

Phone conversation around 10:40am

Me: Hi, look my one of my contacts has fallen into the toilet and I haven’t got a
spare. Can you send me out a new set please?

Them: What type of account do you have sir?

Me: Erm, I don’t know. The one where I get lenses every couple of months.

Them: What’s your reference number?

Me: I don’t know. I haven’t got my reference number on me but surely you can
identify me from my date of birth, name and address.

Them: What’s your date of birth, name and first line of you address?

I proceed to tell him these details.

Them: That is all correct. Ok, how can I help you sir?

Me: What? Look I told you a few minutes ago I need you to send me a spare set
of contacts.

I hear the computer tapping for a few moments.

Them: Right you are due to have your next batch delivered at the end of this
month.

Me: I need them now, I can’t really see and it’s causing me havoc.

Silence

Them: Right… I cannot authorise this release. Can I call you back later after I
have spoken to someone?

Me: Yes!

Them: I will contact you on …

Me: Yeah that’s right. Now hurry up.

Click

Slightly frustrated at hitting a brick wall I spent the rest of the morning by my desk so that I didn’t encounter many people. The last thing I wanted to do was get more people emailing me. Around 11:30 I get a phone call back from the guy at the contact lens company who confirms he spoke to someone and that a set will be sent later today. A slight relief spreads through me knowing that I will not have to endure much more of this eye squinting and carefully trying to work out who people are by their movements, body shape and skin colour. Still there was time to offend someone else before the day was out. This time it was at the city when my phone buzzes with a message.

Them: Why’d you blank me?

Me: Soz, I can’t see I haven’t got my contacts in. How are you?

And they never replied. Ah well, I can’t wait to see properly again.

In other news, this is my one hundredth entry on here. I can’t really believe it but Blogger informed me this evening when it displayed all my other 99 entries. Well, I’m not sure if I’ll reach 200 but I’m really pleased at reaching this milestone considering it spawned from a drunken conversation many moons ago.

The ’09 Season

2009 has now started. For me it began with illness but now I’m recovered I thought it was time to think of some new year’s resolutions. However, before I start scribbling down what I hope to achieve this year I will first reflect about how well I did in completing my ones of 2008

Tardiness
I think I did well with this one. At work I was as punctual as could be expected, in fact I improved dramatically in getting to work early. I managed to shuffle in around 8:10 which is pretty good by my standards. My biggest improvement was with meeting up with people. I hope Coldbrain noticed that I was on average only two minutes late when meeting up for a drink as opposed to the usual five.

Get More But Decent Tunes On To My ipod
When I wrote this in 2008 I had 827 tunes on my pod. I have now got 1180 so I’m slowly getting more on there. Although I should point out that my pod can hold up to 20,000 tunes so I’ve got a long, long way to go. I discovered a few good bands during last year. Orgatronics, Pssap and My Morning Jacket all made it onto my ipod in 2008 but according to Last.FM the most song played was Viva la Vida by Coldplay.

Cut Down On Meat
I thought this was going to be really hard to do but on the 6th January I decided to become a vegetarian. First it was a surreal not buying meat, then a slight inconvenience which finally turned into a revelation after discovering alternative meat free products and recipes. However, I stacked in mid-August when I was in France. I couldn’t go to France and not eat meat! So for just over eight months I managed to cut out meat completely which I am quite proud of. I do not think I will consider becoming vegetarian for quite a long time though.

Get Buff
I didn’t do so well here. I am not in good shape at the moment which is something I would like to address. I played a lot of sport last year but this made me just eat more and then I’d get injured but still have the same appetite as a small Hippopotamus.

Go To another Continent
Ok, I did write that I wanted to go to Marrakech but unfortunately that did not happen. Shame and I would still like to go. I did manage to go back to Peru so I at least managed to visit another continent.

Go To Noel Fielding’s Art Exhibition
I managed to go. It was a strange place and I annoyed the owner of the café by not buying something straightaway and only asking to see the paintings. He must have thought I was a right tosser but I wanted to see the art first then sup on some brew later.

Looking back at my resolutions I seemed to have completed most of them which is pretty good considering they tend to stay in my mind for about a week before being replaced with more important thoughts. So in 2009 I would like to achieve the following:

Learn a bit more about Spanish grammar
I have phrased this very carefully so that I can cop out at any time but the studious part of me would like to learn more about Spanish grammar which also enlightens me on things about the English version.

Drink decent coffee
I am used to drinking the turgid stuff placed in front of me which is usually a jar of Nescafe instant coffee. This year I want to drink some decent coffee or at the very least drink decent instant coffee and not the chemically induced bile I have been happily chugging down my throat the past year.

Get into an Adventure
I do not really care where and why but I would like to embark on some sort of adventure and I hope either fate or initiative opens one up for me.

Take up opportunities
I am rubbish with this. I do not even realise when one presents itself and usually shrug it off. Only for someone either to walk up to me and say ‘I can’t believe you just turned that down’ or even worse, six months down the time line I lay in bed and then suddenly it dawns on me that what was offered was a great opportunity.

Chill
It is important that I know when it is time to relax and when is the time to really push myself. I am a being of extremes in everything I do. If I am chilled, I really am to the point people think I’ve been smoking during my lunch break. But when I’m in full flow, rushing around people tell me to slow down or I’ll have a break down. So I need to find the balance which can turn on the heat when required but at the same time kick back when there is a moment to do so.

And finally…I’d like to break away from the 9-5

This does not mean I want to replace it with a 2pm-10pm shift somewhere but ideally I would like to do something that does not involve 9-5 and mean I could go places, visit different people whilst still earning enough money to live.

In other news, I grew a goatee. It looked kind of strange but I managed to get used to it until someone said I looked like shipmate from Pirates of the Caribbean. It’s now been shaved off.

Belated Happy New Year to you all.