Wednesday 3 October 2007

Is Billie Piper Fit?


She’s currently starring in the ITV drama The Secret Diary Of A Call Girl and because of this programme every medium is ranting on about her. I turned in the radio, “Did you see Billie Piper’s new drama?” I click on a website and a banner appears “Billie Piper in Confessions of a call girl on ITV”. I turn the page on the paper and there she is scantily clad, looking seductive. But is she really fit or just good Photoshop skills?

Firstly, without a shadow of a doubt most males would definitely get with her after a few beers but some of them also say she has cheeks like a chipmunk. Not really very seductive. Also, she didn’t really exude sexiness in Doctor Who running around zapping Daleks. And to be honest she isn’t as alluring as some of the ladies from Hollyoaks. But what makes her fit, I think, is that she is particularly genuine. The times I’ve heard her speak whilst being interviewed I can’t help but feel she is a really nice girl and someone you could go to the pub to have a drink with. She doesn’t come across diva like and I don’t really see her pouting too much. She just seems fun. So when you look at the pictures of her in suspenders and a tiny bra, yeah, you think she’s hot but that feeling is enhanced more by the person she is, which is where she differentiates from other actresses. Perhaps this was one of the reasons why she was cast for this role, because she is a likeable, amiable female who can look sexy. She is in no way in the same catagories as Monica Bellucci in both acting a beauty, no way near, but she has something.

Well I haven’t seen this new drama yet but I thought I’d write my thoughts on Ms Piper because she seems an interesting person having been through many experiences like being married to a multi-millionaire and being a pop star for a brief period of time. But what I ain't too keen is that she has already released an autobiography at her age, this does reek of cashing in on success.

Here is some writing I’ve rolled out for you to take a look at.
***************************************************
Sensing that someone is staring at him he turns round.

“Karen?”

“Yeah?”

“What are you doing here?”

“I come to buy some chewing gum.”

“Oh, oh right.”

“Why did you leave the pub when you saw me?”

“I had to go to work. I didn’t want to be late.”

“Bull shit Yannish, you left as soon as you caught sight of me.”

“I…I…I”

“Why did you leave?”

“I had to leave.”

“But why? Is it because I repulse, you can’t stand to look at me. I should be angry at you, I am angry with you. You make me sick, sick to the pit of my stomach. Give me a fucking answer.

“Yeah you repulse me.”

“You’re lying.”

“You make me sick and I can’t stand looking at you.”

“Your words saying something but your eyes say another.”

“Whatever.”

“Tell me the truth. Why can’t you stand being near me?”

“I told you. Now are you going to buy chewing gum?”

“You look at me in some sort of desperation.”

“No I don’t.”
“You do.”

“I look at you with pity.”

“With pity? You should pity me.”

“I don’t.”

“So where does this pity come form?”

“It’s pity for within myself. I…I… I just can’t bear to look at you Karen, not because of what you are but because of what happened between us two. It’s not your physicality, your personality it’s nothing solely about you, it’s about us, our history. When I look at you even for a few moments my head starts to throb with pain, not of our history but of the possibilities of the future, and that’s why I need to leave. I can’t see you with anyone else it’ll kill me, I’m being selfish, I know, but I’m also being realistic. It’s too soon to see you and not look at you without being reminded how happy you made me and how unhappy you have made me now.”

“You screwed it up.”

“I didn’t Karen, and you know that.”

“No I don’t. You could have forgiven me.”

“When I think about it, it makes me sick and that is the only thing that rivals the loving feelings I have for you. Both are strong and I’m overwhelmed with it. It consumes me when I think about it, so I don’t.”

“Never?”

“Not anymore.”

“So it is over then.”

“It’s been over for months Karen. You know that.”

“It’s not over, there’s no belief in your voice. That’s how I know.”

“Maybe. But I said the words didn’t I?”

“You don’t want to hear my story?”

“You’ve told me it before.”

“That was why I did it. I want you to understand the complex reasons behind it.”

“I don’t care Karen.”

“You do. I know you do, but I can’t wait for you forever, I can’t just come to this garage every time you are working checking to see if you’ll listen. I’m waiting now, waiting for your stubbornness to subside, your anger to melt a little so that the real you will hear me. I hope that when it happens, and it will, we’ll still both have the same intense feelings that we share now.”

“Why don’t you stop waiting?”

“Believe me I want to but I wake in the middle of the night thinking of you, of us. I am hurting too.”

“I don’t care anymore.”

“You do, I know you do. I really hope we will be able to fix this once you get past your anger and confusion. You can’t mature fast enough.”

“Are you going to buy this chewing gum?”

“No. I came to see if you were ready but you’re not. So bye.”

“Bye.”

“Get over this Yannish so we can reconnect.”

The sliding doors close again. There is an eerie stillness in the air apart from the sound of the lights buzzing. Everything seems still to him. He knew he would have to speak to her at some point but wasn’t expecting her to come to him. He was adamant that he wouldn’t let her speak to him straight away in case she got into his head but she did manage to speak to him and influence him. Did she? She didn’t really say anything overtly obvious like “take me back”. Or “It’s all your fault.” That’s what he was expecting. But wait, it wasn’t. That’s what he would expect from someone else, most others but not from some one exceptional, like her. What she told him rattles round his mind. Why can’t he cope with it? Was it like she said because he wasn’t mature enough, or because of stubbornness. No it wasn’t that, he’d thought it through carefully, night after night sitting on the couch resting his head against Tommy’s hoodie crying silently apart from when he had to inhale.

“You doing alright?” Says Clarence.

Yannish looks over at the scenery of row upon row of confectionary, periodicals, freezers full of convenient food and at the place where Karen had been standing.

“Yeah I’m doing fine. Just having trouble sorting out the mints with the extra strong mints.”

Laughter echoes across as Clarence snatches the remaining packets from Yannish and uses her weight to nudge him out of the way, he rocks over to the side and almost loses balance.
”Get back to filling up the alcohol and I’ll get back to reading about my article on arms smuggling in Kyrgyzstan.” Says Clarence yawing as she spoke.
“Alright, alright.” Yannish was grateful of the light hearted conversation but was glad it ended. He walks back over to bottles of beer and cider and picks up the stock sheet to see where he had got to before the influx of people came in. Trying hard not to think about the encounter he just had with Karen he smiles as he realises that if she was here then it was unlikely Keith would be in succeeding in his seduction quest with her.

The remaining bottles don’t take long and soon he’s done. He walks over to Clarence who was in the middle of a transaction with a small bald man with huge liver spots on his forehead. They look like small islands on a map and he can’t help but gawp at them, trying desperately to see if one resembles an actual country. The man notices he’s being watched and that it is his shiny liver spotted head that is the source of attention. He promptly snatches the receipt from Clarence, looks at her rich pink hair for a moment and turns around out of the garage. Both of them laugh.

“Right, I’m done with the replenishment you can go on your break now.”

“Good, I’m dying for a Pot Noodle.”

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Billie Piper is absolutely stunning, you wish you were so lucky mate.