Eyeful

I had an eye appointment yesterday and managed to muster up the energy to make the visit after feeling ill the last few days. I decided it was best to shave as I felt a felt of hair all over my face usually terrifies people let alone me.

Everything happened as usual in the eye shop, checking in and sitting down while I waited for the optometrist. It is strange being involved in a social situation but the reason for being there is business. Like when you go to the doctors or dentist you are only there for business reasons but whilst waiting everyone is in a social situation, well you are if there are other people waiting as well. In this case there was and as usual no one really talks to each other which is fine with me. I had a guy in suit but with jack-ups almost scratching his knees sitting next to me while a lady on my right looked pensively ahead staring at the optometrist’s closed door. It made me feel slightly uncomfortable at the way she stared at the door in such an intense manner. Her brow frowning and her mouth grimacing slightly. I wondered if she was here to see the eye man for personal reasons. Perhaps she was here to collect an outstanding debt or maybe she had been left jilted at the alter and she was now here to exact revenge, leaving me and Jack-ups as potential witnesses to a murder. My concentration was broken by the call of my name and I noticed the optometrist standing a few metres in front of me carrying his clipboard. I looked to see if he noticed the lady boring her eyes down on him but he was only concerned about the clipboard. As I headed to the office I turned back to see the woman now looking at me with a look of disgust spread all over her face, Jack-ups just had his arm folded probably wondering why his ankles were so cold.

The optometrist got me to sit down and read letters off the wall as they all do. I was really good on the first two lines but once I reached the middle my sight failed me and all I could see was little black blobs. I was then asked to place my chin on a little machine where it enabled him to examine my eye. I did so and almost immediately was hit by a bright light, I blinked to block its brightness and the eye man said not to blink. I told him it was hard when he is flashing a light directly into my iris. He said nothing and instead got up and pulled out a small pipette full of liquid. The eye man told me this liquid would brighten up any scratches I had on my cornea and pulled my head back with some force. Next thing I know he squeezed the pipette and drops of liquid were swirling around in my eyes. I blinked profusely but he shoved my head back on the machine. Looking back into my eyes he announced there is no problem with them at all. He shuffles me out of his office where his assistant tells me that I will be contacted once my contact lenses come in (the whole point of the appointment was to check my suitability for a new type). So off I went wandering around town looking for Season 2 of Alan Partridge.

It was about five minutes that I noticed people staring at me rather oddly. First it was an old lady pulling her trolley along. I just assumed she was odd. Then it was a woman in her thirties who looked at me as she walked past. Everyone seemed strange as I ventured into HMV. There I picked up Partridge on DVD and headed to the counter. It was there that the till guy took the merchandise for scanning before asking why my eyes were orange. I asked him what he was on about and he just told me that my eyes were orange and so was my eyelids. It then dawned on me that the optometrist had been pouring random liquids into my peepers. I bought the DVD and quickly found a mirror in another shop where I saw in front of me exactly what I would look like if I was a zombie in 28 Days later. I cursed the eye man but grinned at my new look before heading home.