World Cup ahoy!

I’m drinking four day old red wine at the moment, is it still ok to drink or am I going to be ill?

Anyway, I feel I should write this entry because I wrote about the failures of the England football team and the ‘wally with the brolly’ back in 2007. There is a piece of me that feels that had England qualified for Euro 2008 we may have escaped a recession (or at least soften its impact). My reasons being, firstly, people spend more on consumables when England qualifies. I am referring to alcohol, party and barbeque food. Money is constantly being pumped into the economy each week as the team progresses. The second reason is there is a good vibe around the place. And this vibe is what I have missed since Germany 2006.

So it is great that England are back at a major final, in fact the biggest sport competition in the world (yep, I even think it’s bigger than the Olympics). I’m looking forward for everyone to become obsessed with the World Cup. The training camps, what is eaten for breakfast and even the omens related to whether the home or away kit will be worn. The sun will be shining (hopefully) and every one will gather around in the streets to watch the matches (I wonder whether they’ll erect television screens up the City Centre like they did last time). What also heightens this anticipation is the fact that right now on the other side of the globe a Paddington’s Shadow doppelganger is currently feeling the same thing, apart from the Argentinean and French Paddington’s Shadows who are very worried as it seems their teams may not qualify.

Mixed up with all this eagerness, there is also some unfortunate realisation that there will be some d*cks out and about who have no qualms about trashing the place they are in because they disagree with a decision. Or go on a rampage against people who support a different team. The worst case I remember was watching on the news when Portugal had defeated England on penalties in Euro 2004 and a bunch of thugs gathered around a Portuguese pub (in Oxford, I think) and smashed the place to bits trying to get in. I am glad that it is a minority as those actions are pathetic.

The World Cup will rule the summer and I’m looking for 2010 and to see just how South Africa host the event and who will draw Brazil in the work’s sweepstake, still one thing is a bit of a downer on a personal level. Peru will definitely not be qualifying for the forthcoming tournament having lost to Venezuela 3-1 yesterday. They now are bottom of their qualifying group.

Right, I fancy listening to Guns ‘n Roses’ Welcome to the Jungle.

Can I get a remit?

You may have thought the last word was a typo and that I actually meant ‘Rewind’. You’d be wrong. This summer has flown by and most of it highly uneventful. Probably the biggest piece of news was Cristiano Ronaldo moving to Real Madrid for £80,000,000 odd. Even those that despise football would have read about it, even to gawp then gag ever so slightly at attempting to digest the fee paid for him.

Then something serious occurred when the Lockerbie bomber was released on compassionate grounds and this has sparked much debate both in this country and in the United States. I do not understand enough of everything that went on surrounding the release but one thing I am sure of is just how little I know about governmental power. Currently the press are commenting that it was a Scottish Parliament decision yet there is talk that Westminster was behind how it was decided.

This is where I enter uncharted waters. As far as I am aware the Scottish Parliament has the power to pass laws for Scotland other than those that concern Britain as a whole (I could be wrong here – Politics students rinse me if you must) in which case it is a decision made by Westminster. Westminster has said it was a purely Scottish Parliament decision and not theirs, yet it could be argued that the decision affects the whole of Britain and therefore collaboration sounds a more plausible approach. And then I get confused. Scotland can pass laws on some things but not on others. So where does this remit end? And where does the Welsh Parliament fit in and what power does it have?

My mind did not just stop there and it was beginning to annoy me. It seems I have clarity issues with who governs who in the United Kingdom but that was nothing to compare to the concept of Puerto Rico. This truly had me slapping myself for even daring to understand which government has the power over there. Puerto Rico is a little island off the US of A and is heavily influenced by the US but for some reason is not a US state. Now, when I mean heavily influenced, I am referring to it in a legitimate sense. I believe they openly assist in the election of the new, err, actually is it President or Governor? You see, it’s confusing. Why is it that Hawaii which is further away than Puerto Rico is a state and PR not?

Yes I will look them up (and Wikipedia will be my first port of call), however, I wanted to write about it and raise to myself if anything just how little I know about who has the power to control a country, even if it is another country. It is probably disjointed because of time and the battles and agreements that were constantly occurring meant that nothing was ever simple. And at the same time this complexity will assist some people, who will ever question a decision when they are not sure exactly who is responsible for making it because camp A can make choices about some things and Camp B does for others.

Ah pants, I just thought of another one. Is the moon North America’s because they stuck their flag in it first?

Conjugation for the Nation

So what I have I been spending the last week doing? Well, apart from work I have found myself scribbling down the regular Spanish conjugated verbs that end in ‘ar’, ‘er’ and ‘ir’. I have been writing these out as part of the learning process and objective to learn all the important regular conjugations off by heart. I had learned them once before, but if I don’t practice or use them regularly, they fall out of my head.

It’s important for me to learn as much Spanish as I can. Currently, I can get by. My ability to translate Spanish is good, I can definitely get by talking (although in-depth discussions about river dams leave me perplexed), my reading is ok and my writing is atrocious. It is the rules that I now crave to learn and etch into my subconscious mind. I want to construct perfect sentences and use appropriate tenses; otherwise I will never be able to move on.

I sat in a meeting room on my own three weeks ago, mulling it over. I have completed a Spanish course, I have read Exacto! A practical guide to Spanish Grammar and did all the exercises. Granted, that book was immense and opened up the rules of the Spanish language. But like everything we are not really good at or completely confident in, complacency takes over and after I’d passed my Spanish course and read Exacto, all the learning stopped. In my mind, I could hear this little voice saying You need to carry on learning Spanish, you need to push it. But I didn’t, I revelled in my accomplishments and put it to one side.

After a few months I reasoned with myself and concluded that I should not forget all that I had learned. I had been on a roll but momentum will stop if I do not help myself. So I decided to test myself and write out all the conjugated verbs of the word ‘Hablar’ whilst eating my Wheatabix. Surprisingly, I got almost all of them right when I went to check. I moved onto ‘Comer’ where I did ok in that to. I was going to be late for work but I really wanted to test myself on ‘Pedir’ so forgot about time and wrote down all the combinations I could remember. I did not do so well with that one but I was buoyed by the fact that most of what I’d learnt was still there.

The little voice came back and I agreed. I should not let the momentum roll to a standstill. As mentioned earlier, three weeks ago I looked up a private tutor on some webpage and went to the empty meeting room. I made the call and arranged private lessons.

Today I am reflecting upon my decision, it hurts the pocket book and yes it eats into ‘my time’ but I do feel like I’m learning. Also the fact I’m paying for it makes me motivated to move on, because if I don’t do the homework (yes, I get homework) then we spend the following lesson doing the homework when I should be learning something new.

Complacency looms, it is true. When I’m tired or have a headache it comes knocking on my door. In the meantime, when I see a scrap piece of paper lying around I start writing down regular verb conjugations to test myself. My hope is by the time complacency overpowers me and I quit everything I would have been able to learn some of the rules and verbs off by heart.

Drinky Drinky

I read an article about being healthy and that we should drink at least 5 pints of water a day. I quaffed at the thought whilst munching on a red apple. As if anyone could do something like that I said to myself when I realised that 5 pints isn’t actually that much when put into a different context. Drinking 5 pints of ale in a pub over the space of three hours isn’t entirely out of the question, especially when the company is good. But thinking about drinking 5 pints of water over the space of 8 hours had me feeling bloated. So what better way to find out than to try.

I brought in a pint glass to work and at 8:15 poured myself my first pint of water. I also made a cup of coffee to perk me up and sat at my desk surrounded by fluids. The first pint was going down quite a treat. I was habitually taking small sips and within the hour it was no more. The coffee too was gone within quick time. So around 9:30 I got back up and poured another pint and placed it back down on my desk.
This time the water didn’t go down so speedily, my whistle had been whetted enough so it stayed by my side annoying me as my mouse banged against it. Still, I persisted and by around 11:45 I’d finished my second pint of water. It was around this point I realised I really wanted to go to the toilet, so went. Upon my return I poured myself another pint of water and thought to myself, If I could drink at least a quarter by lunch then, when I get back there wouldn’t be so much to drink. It was all becoming a bit of a chore now.

When I got back I noticed I’d hardly touched the 3rd pint but still took a large swig. In fact I just kept on drinking until half of it was gone. Then I felt sick and bloated. Still I was happy that I was more than halfway in filling my daily water intake quota.

It was around 16:00 when I’d finished the 3rd pint. I’d been to the bathroom four times since and was beginning to grow a complex that people had noticed I kept leaving my desk. I had my argument though, should I be pulled up on it. I would tell whoever it was that I was listening to what nutritionists recommend and drinking 5 pints of water was essential. As a result, I had to go to the bathroom a lot. Simple as.

No one did so I began drinking my 4th pint during a meeting. Everyone had plastic cups whilst I chugged down my penultimate pint. I could feel the water bubbling in my stomach and rising to my chest. I suddenly felt a bit uneasy, and started breathing in a strange way so not to antagonise the vast amount of water my body was holding. Last thing I wanted was someone to say, ‘Mr Paddington’s Shadow, what do you think?’ And then I open my mouth and something like this happens (I love that show by the way.)

Luckily, no one asked me any questions and I refrained from speaking in fact when I got back to my desk I just sat there quietly and worked. I concluded that 5 pints of water is too much to drink for one person when they are not having fun.

In other news, may I point you in the direction of this blog. Here you find highly entertaining and funny podcasts that discusses the real important issues in life such as the lost lyrics from the Fresh Prince of Bell Air rap. Go now!

Au Natural

So, although my time has been spent of late being busy and at the same time feeling lethargic, I some how muscled in a visit to The Natural History Museum. I had never been before and quite frankly it is nothing short of world class, it makes the Millennium Dome look nothing more than a rather large circus tent. It is a spectacular place and I recommend you shove your little hinds over there.

The first zone I visited was the blue zone. Straight in there I was hunting out the dinosaurs and found myself walking through a corridor of stuffed birds. There were familiar ones like swans and peacocks but also some rather unusual ones like a black parrot and some kind of giant eagle. The eagle looked particularly menacing even though it was full of cotton wool. One swipe of those claws and I’d probably find that my eyes had been gouged out.

The actual dinosaur zone is pretty good. They have a lot of life size replicas such a Triceratops and the one that looks like a gigantic armadillo. You then sort of follow this trail and get to see a lot of actual bones and fossils from the Jurassic era. Some look like leftovers from an eaten family bucket of KFC but some leave you in wonderment. They had a display of some teeth that sparked of my imagination of just how big they were and how ferocious some dinosaurs were. For a brief moment I wondered what it would be like to be a palaeontologist but then Ross from Friends came into my head and it didn’t seem so good. The climax of the trail was to go past an animatronic of a Tyrannosaurus Rex. I wasn’t that bothered about seeing it because what I really wanted to check out was just past it.

I entered the Mammals area and it was here I saw the life like model of a blue whale. It was huge and looked immense. I couldn’t get my head around the fact it only fed on plankton as I walked around it looking in awe at its enormity. This to me was the highlight. The blue whale was surrounded by other large animals such as a hippopotamuses and the African Elephant. It was all just fascinating to look at and read about.

The other zones are impressive too. The green zone covers birds, ecology and creepy crawlies. There are fossil marine reptiles too which are pretty good to investigate but I found the different types of tortoise in the world the most interesting. The orange zone has a butterfly jungle and the Darwin Centre (but I didn’t go there because it was tours only). The red zone covered earth starting with ‘in the beginning’ right up until how humans are trashing the place. I also found myself engrossed in reading up on all the type of minerals earth has and where they can be found.

If you are ever in Londres, I seriously recommend visiting the Natural History Museum. It is an amazing place and it is absolutely free.

I’ve been asleep

Well, I would like to say that was why I haven’t written anything close to three weeks. Truth is; I’ve been slack. It’s not that I forgot about ol’ Talesofepoch but when it came for me to open the lid of the laptop nothing sprang to mind so I decided to take a little break from it.

I’ve been shattered of late, just been getting back from work and thinking ‘I can’t be arsed’, where a few entries ago I was writing about how I was on par in productivity as Dilbert on amphetamines. Still, life is good. I can’t complain, been reading some good books, listening to some radio and have been drinking Hoegarden like it was the only available fluid going. Oh, and those little French beers. I forget what they’re called but they always seem to pop up around summer, like bumble bees.

I’ve also started wearing those thin scarves that kind of make me look like an artist. I don’t mind that look (If I could get away with the clobber they wear in that BBC pre-Raphaelite programme, I so would). No question. I like that artist look but can’t really pull it off but an extremely toned down version is what I will have to live with. I started off with buying one on a Monday morning but by the following Monday I’d bought four scarves. Next month cravats, a pipe and a wallowing of the British Empire in its hey day.

Been reading Garbriel Garcia Marquez’s 100 Years of Solitude and enjoying it. In fact I love reading a book and drinking alcohol. Not to get wasted but to help relax me and thus settle into the story quickly. Writing about alcoholic beverages, I’ve also been getting into coffee liqueurs. My favourite at the moment is a McCloud, which consists of Drambuie and Teachers whisky. I recommend.

Other than that, not much has been happening of late, the weather has been a nightmare so much so that I have developed a conspiracy theory that Peter Mandelson threatened to knife Michael Fish if the BBC meteorologists didn’t dupe the country by declaring that we would be experiencing a heat wave this summer. Not sure how true this is. I recall only yesterday I walked across the car park and within a few seconds I was soaked.

Apart from that everything is doing alright, for now…

Skill Set

Every once in a while I’ll be staring at the computer, out of a window or at the pavement, thinking what am I actually good at. This usually happens after I’ve made a relatively large mistake, got my ego burnt or tried to be helpful but been nothing more than a bane.

It also happens when I think about what I am actually good for in the working world; what skills do I possess and which ones I haven’t got and wish for. My initial thought is that all my attributes are innate and quite frankly everything I have learned in this living in this world is nothing. Obviously this isn’t true and perhaps this first reaction is one of my weaknesses coming into. Still, I can’t deny that if I was to list my strengths a lot of them derive from what makes me, me. First off, one of my major strengths is that I find it very difficult to give up. I’m very dogged. If I was a premier league footballer, I’d be Michael Essien. As a result I tend to never give in easily when set a task. If barriers are put up I find ways to get around them. If it’s something I’m personally interested in then I am almost rude in getting something done. Alas, this strength is also a weakness because trying to get something done takes time and therefore sometimes it isn’t well spent and I end up celebrating a pyrrhic victory. Embarrassment, although I wouldn’t call it a weakness does affect me. Not many things get me embarrassed but those things that do make me recoil into myself and I just don’t do things and dwell on the event and occasion over and over again. It takes a long time for me to get back to being normal so I am relieved not many things get me embarrassed.

I’m not too hot on arithmetic either, or reading maps but do have pretty good ICT skills. I can rustle up a website and am relatively intermediate in most of the Office applications. I think this is linked to a general interest in technology and wanting to know how things work. I can spend hours learning a new application. Perhaps this has to do with the hours spent trying to work out a Rubix cube when I was younger. What I am not good at is demonstrating something at my desk, like when you are asked to bring up a document from the depths of a server just so it can be displayed to back up a comment that was discussed over coffee. I tend to sniff, stick my tongue out and try and find the Word wizard paperclip helper. It usually ends with me saying, It’s not where I thought it was, give me a couple of minutes and I’ll find it. I then spend a further five minutes getting rid of the paperclip helper.

One thing I thought I’d get out into the interweb world is confidence. I lack it quite a lot, I think. But sometimes I feel really confident, almost like untouchable. But these occasions are rare and the majority of time I feel that I don’t have any confidence, yet, just to add another layer of complexity, is that I do things that require confidence but don’t think it required any. For example, being put on the spot and having to greet and chaperone someone totally out of the blue. People will say to me, you must have a lot of confidence to do what you’ve done. I smile, but inside I think, seriously, I think I’ve got no confidence sometimes. Maybe I’ve got it but don’t realise that I have. In fact I’m not sure about this one entirely, so am opening it up here.

I am quite good at presentations though, and given enough time I can be darn hot at it. This was developed at school and something I’d always felt comfortable and actually thrived on. No question I’ve crashed and burned many a time when I’ve stood there, hand shaking thinking, I’ve totally forgotten everything. But then Alan Partridge snippets fall into my head like, I’d like a pint of bitter, and then everything seems to fall into place. At one stage I was giving so many presentations that I started to vibe off the crowd, knowing if they would dig any of my homemade dry japes I had thought of or if I should take this seriously.

Ok, enough of this self-appraisal, my glass of wine is empty and I need to go buy some toothpaste.