Credit + Bank = Woes (and Dohs)

Seems there is going to be a winter of financial discontent these forthcoming months according to news programs, newspapers and radio shows. Banks seemed to be writing off billions worth of pounds whereas two of America's biggest (and daftest named) mortgage related companies had to be bailed out by the US Government because they were heading for financial meltdown. I wish I could write off all my debts because my estate was in disrepute. Unfortunately everyone’s darling, Alistair, would not help me but instead continues to suckle every last penny from my account to help pay for the Labour party's convention and then slap me across the face with his big bushy eyebrows. So this constant hammering of dismal economic climates, banks struggling, companies folding and the government sweating leaves me, well, just bored of it all. Fuck, someone screwed up or knew what they were doing was stupid but realised they could make a lot of money and get the hell out. Yeah the financial guardians let their guard down a bit and lent money to anyone to buy a house, even the local tramp that hangs out by the park got one (yet he still sits on the bench all day). I'm pretty sure prisoners were able to get themselves a mortgage whilst serving their fifteen to twenty year sentences. Yet now we need credit to keep the economy chugging along otherwise we will be facing a recession and if you are like me you do not want someone like the current Chancellor leading our way back to growth. So I refuse to feel guilty in buying the Bourne Ultimatum on DVD yesterday because I should be acting frugal with my money. Or buy some new trainers because my plimpsoles now have a hole in the sole. Or buy one of those thin scarves that make me look like I'm out of a H&M advert. Hey, I work for it, I'll blow it any way I want. And I advise everyone to do so too *. Not stupidly obviously, but if there is some spare disposable income we should pump it into the economy whilst we get superficial consumer goods in return where the novelty value wares off after a week. Please I am getting so bored in hearing business analysts confirm only what the newscaster said a few moments earlier And how boring are these analysts? Their monotone voices only add to the despair they conjure when hearing about the ‘credit crunch’.

I do think it was good a thing that the US Government let the Lehman Brothers bank go bankrupt. This showed that they were not willing to bail every bank out because their bosses had messed up so much (I say this because I read in Private Eye and according to their sources, they paid out $5.4 billion in bonuses over the last two years) and probably made other precarious decisions. If they had bailed them out it would be like saying 'hey you can practically make any decision you want, invest in any venture you want, including buying stocks in Stewie Griffin's Death Ray Project, and when everything proves worthless, don't worry we'll bail you out and you'll still get shit loads of money (HBOS messed up big time and their CEO still got his £2 million as part of the buy out by Lloyds TSB).' Oh wait, actually that is exactly what is happening in the US of A right now with the US Government trying to buy back bad debt off the banks for $700 billion. This is so confidence can be restored and they can start to lend to each other again. Shit, talk about having a license to piss money up a wall. I can understand what the US Government is trying to do and it is pretty admirable considering the alternative is serious financial meltdown which might liquescent the guy of the Halifax advert. But I do hope that they insert conditions that the decision makers who woefully made the wrong ones are not rewarded with tax payers money of millions of dollars. It's not on really because the public did not ask for this to happen, they are the cause of the problem and yet they will be rewarded with the money of the public. You may wonder why I've focused on the States in the last section. That's because we pretty much copy anything they do and if they start to prevent people obtaining bonuses then Britain will too. In the meantime I’ll go make a cup of tea.

*My advice should not be followed under any circumstances as it is based on me discussing the world’s problems with various people in different queues.

Here's my holey plimpsole